You shouldn't cry at Hooters

When I told H he could pick a restaurant last night I should have known it would be Hooters.  He's wanted wings for almost two weeks now.  What I didn't expect was to be sitting there surrounded by men and cute young thing waitresses wiping away tears.

H and I broke down some more of my barriers last night.  I told him all about my daddy issues.  How I stopped relying on a man who was never there when I was 12 yrs old singing a solo at my schools spring concert.  How I lived with a man who expected perfection and I now do the same.  It's amazing how much I am my father's daughter.  It's quite scary as I think I'm living the life he would have if he'd never met my mom.

The other big issue we tackled is how I can enjoy being in power.  How much I love to have control and be able to tell others how I want things done.  The joy and exhileration I get feeds my ego more than almost anything.  He find this very very ugly.  He doesn't understand.  He finds it belittling and petty.

There is a lot of comparison to his boss that he just left and myself.  I'm constantly told I'm the younger version of her.  This upsets me as I don't think I'm as mean as she is.  She exercises her authority in a very unjudicious way.  H found it horribly upsetting and I feel he's comparing us apples to apples when I think we are more apple to pear.

The only thing I could compare this to in his life is how selfish I think he is when he tells me I live in his world.  He didn't see the correlation.  He doesn't believe it's selfish, he finds it self preserving.  When I told him that's how I feel about being in control he couldn't believe it.  We both find our strengths very unappealing.

It felt good to get a lot of this out and in the open to him.  There's still a whole nother dark side to me that he doesn't know, that I refuse to show him.  Only my BFF and Sue-bee truly get my self destructive behavior.  I don't know if I can even really explain it to him.  It goes so much deeper than a girl who makes bad sexual choices and can't control her eating.  I don't think he's ready to see my dark and twisty side.  At least not yet.