Keep going and going and going

 This is what a not tired BooBoo looks like

I am completely the opposite.  I am tired, I have an aching back, and creaking knees.  2 more days then I get to go home for a hot minute.  My boss is already asking me to go Iowa next week.  I hope I end up in Des Moines so I can see some friends and maybe get a visit from Clint.  I've already made him promise to come see me.

I definitely think the new job is a welcome change.  I love being in a small town and working closely with a team.  The agent here is so fantastic I'm a little sad to leave her.  I feel like I've been renewed in my work.  I hope this momentum continues.

For now I'm going to bed.  First appt is at 9am and we've already planned to leave early so we can get breakfast sandwiches.  I love having a prego partner, her cravings make me happy.  This morning she ate a snickers ice cream bar at 9:30.  Because why, she's prego, that's why!

Family Sunday Funday

BooBoo and her Bump-pah plant some flowers.

I got to come home yesterday afternoon for the weekend!  I have the most understanding boss.  If it's gonna rain for 3 days why sit in a hotel room playing the waiting game.  Why not go home and start fresh next week.  So that's what I'm doing, back to Windom on Tuesday morning, inspections start that afternoon.  I'm guessing I'll be gone for another week or so after that, but that's fine by me.  I like what we are doing.  I may have to break down and buy a mini fridge though.  It's really killing me not to have one in my room.

Last night I had dinner with Sissy and her hubby, today mom chilled with me all afternoon and this evening we went to my uncle's for a BBQ as my cousins were both home.  One lives in Houston, the other is moving to Seattle in 2 weeks.  It was so nice to see everyone and have a nice visit.  The best part is we all went together so at 6:30 when BooBoo got tired we had a reason to leave.  

I got in a nice walk when we got home.  I was pleasantly surprised to see I'm only up .4lbs for a week of horrible eating and no exercise.  If I buy a fridge I may be able to actually lose some next week.  I bought some more clothes at the outlets yesterday and I'd like to wear them all for vacation.  They all fit, but could be a bit better in -10 more lbs.

Now it's time to go pack up a suitcase again.  Sissy and I are going to MOA tomorrow and I want to have a nice relaxing evening when we get back.

I love hail

I am currently rocking this killer farmer's tan, raccoon eyes, and bruises of unknown origin all over my legs.  Know what that means, it's hail season and I am lovin every second of it.  I haven't worked a nice hail storm in several years and I forgot how zen it is to me.  It's the same but different everyday and it's something I really excel at.  Just overall good happy feelings even when I'm working 12 hour days.  Plus my partner Ande is awesome.  We are truly a dream team for inspections.

Tonight we went back to the Bergen Bar.  We had to wait an hour for a seat and by the time the waitress got to us only 1 portion of prime rib was left, that was at 8:15pm.  That place was hopping and my dinner was super delicious.  I wonder how many more times we can get over there before we leave.  Boss man says Tuesday looks like our end date, so we'll see.  The amount of rain that keeps coming is really screwing with our inspections.  I'm really hoping tomorrow dries out early so we can take Sunday off and head up to 'Kato for a movie and some Mexi Village!!

I should really be asleep but we have a late start tomorrow so I'll just go to bed later and still be tired :(  Somethings I never really learn.

Frodo and some virigins

  Meet Frodo, he's awesome.  His momma is my co-worker Ande.  He's the happiest loveliest doggy I've ever met, oh and he loves me.  I always get cuddles.  As Ande and I were working the afternoon he hopped up on my bed and made himself a little burrow with my blanket and pillow.  He's just darling!

SPARKLE of the day:

I was told by an insured yesterday to go the Bergen Bar.  Bergen is a town of about 15 halfway between where I'm working and where my hotel is.  Being that we were rained out today dinner was at a decent time and the gang headed out.  The restaurant is tiny, like maybe seats 50.  There's an honest to goodness sign up sheet that sits on the bar for when it gets busy.  The outside patio is as big as the indoor restaurant.  

Every plate of food that came out looked fantastic.  The "Lighter Fare" on the menu included 1 salad,  chicken strips and home made chicken strips (cut off the bone and hand battered), hamburger steak and deluxe hamburger steak (wrapped in bacon, smothered in cheese and mushrooms).  This is on top of a page of burgers, fish, prime rib and steaks.  Our waitress came to take our order and when I asked what she recommended she looked at me and in all seriousness stated "Are you guys Bergen Virgins?"  Everyone of us started wheezing with laughter.  After it subsided we made our choices and none were disappointed.  We've already planned to go back on Friday night, and we'll risk the wait.  

Survey and then find a crack den

SPARKLE:  visiting my alma mater on my way to work.

Today has been crazy.  It started off with surveying phone calls, then physical surveying, then a very painful conf call and ultimately being sent to Windom MN for work.  I chose 1 of the 2 hotels in town and was terrified when I pulled up.  I think it's the town's crack den.  I called my co-workers and they guided me to their hotel in Jackson, 20 min south.  It's brand new and across the street from a Dairy Queen.  This is dangerous!  It's like the universe is taunting me for buying smaller clothes.  Ha Ha bitch, now you get a $5 lunch and you can upgrade to a shake for a $1.  DO IT!!!!  This week will be trying on the diet, between long days and no fridge in my hotel room I'm really screwed.  I will work hard to get in some exercise besides roof climbing.  I noticed an eliptical down the hall so maybe I'll try that out.  Or not, maybe climbing 8 roofs a day is enough.

Family Time and some clothing sparkle

Someone has gotten entirely too cute this week!  She spent the night with gramma and grampa and could not get enough of being outside.  She loved mowing the lawn so much she fell asleep on grampa!  I think my parents love having her as much as her parents love not having her.  This was the perfect birthday present for my mom.  Sidenote, who doesn't wear a tutu with their PJ's.  Totally normal.

• My boss called me at 8:30 tonight telling me to stay packed and be ready to go to Iowa.  They are getting torn up with tornadoes tonight.  There was one spotted not too far from me, but no damage reported.
• I was DD for my sis and her hubs last night, they are such hot messes!  It made me laugh and they bought me a delicious breakfast today to thank me.
• I went shopping and got some adorable new outfits in significantly smaller sizes than I'm used to.  I cannot wait for parties/happy hours/vacation to wear them. (SPARKLE)
• I fit into 3 of my 8 t-shirts that have been too small for way too long.  2 of them still had tags on them!  I have been in desperate need to rotate some out so this is perfect timing.  (SPARKLE)
• I wore my new PINK pants last night.  They fit me pretty well and will just get better as I keep losing.  I love being trendy :)  (SPARKLE)
• New clothes are such motivation!  I can tell this week will pose some challenges but I have to keep reminding myself of my 4th of July goals.
• I got in a short walk before the sirens went off tonight and I'm not too sad about it.  I think it'll help my blisters heal up a bit.

I should probably shut down and head to bed.  Last night I slept horribly because I was afraid I'd miss my bosses call.  Tonight I'm hoping to do better.  I know I have to be up with my alarm as he'll be calling not too shortly after that with my deployment info.

Sparkling Saturday

Today was full of sparkle!

• I'm still home, although at 7:30 my boss sent me an email about hail in Rapid City.
• I made some new treats today and they are delish
• I got a pedicure, holy moly did I need one
• I got in a nice walk, despite the rapidly rising temps and humidity
• I can wear regular Old Navy sizes!!!  This is a huge rush for me as I can wear lots of cute things now.  Yay me, a trip to the outlet may be in the books for tomorrow
• My "Guy on a Buffalo" shirt came today!  Once it's washed I'll post a photo.  I have to send one to my friend Stephen.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to Youtube and type it in.  Part 2 is my favorite.  "Get outta here kitty cat!"  I've watched it almost everyday since last Saturday when Stephen shared it with me.  Stupid humor at it's finest

I have done nothing but things I wanted to do today and it was really super awesome.  Now if I could just win the Powerball.  I know I'd make a darling millionaire.

Fast Friday

Look what I made!  Vanilla with vanilla frosting cupcakes courtesy of my Magnolia Bakery cookbook.  It's mom's birthday on Sunday, but given the weather I likely won't be home.  I used some new gel dyes and wow, that purple is PURPLE!  The pink was much better on top.  They taste great too.  I think even better than what I remember in NYC.

I didn't make it to the office today and I'm glad I chose not to go.  I got so much more accomplished at home.  Including my bosses annoying emails showing me storm trackers for the next couple days.  I'm all ready to go with the exception of a quick load of laundry I need to go start.  I could be out of my house in less than hour tomorrow.  I hope that's good enough for him.  Tonight there was already a reported tornado and hail in southern MN.  I think I could be making several stops on this trip out.

I lost 1lb this week, which considering what I ate, is remarkable!  I'm super proud of myself and less than a pound to go to hitting the 25 total lost.  Yay me.  The BFF gave me some tips to stop my blisters too.  Here's hoping for pain free walking tomorrow.  I'll need to put in the long 4.5 mile after the yummy pizza I ate for dinner.  I was so pleased with myself as I ate.  I savored every bite and stopped and waited to see if I wanted more if I was full.  I had 1 more piece after that and I still stayed in my points for the day.  Woo Hoo!   It's the little victories in weight loss that keep me motivated.

 Ya know, searching for an island and stuff

Slept 14 hours and at 10:30am my sis found her in the kitchen saying nigh nigh

Being social is good

Yesterday's Sparkle:  Sue-Bee is the leader of a scooter group.  It makes me happy!
Today's Sparkle:  the finale of The Office, I'm gonna try not to cry

I spent some time in the office today and it was nice to socialize!  I'm going back tomorrow and some more folks should be around.  I think I might even make some treats tonight.  I'm getting sick of the emails from my boss about this weekend's weather potential.  I get it, I'm first out.  My bags are packed,  I'm ready to go.  It just actually needs to storm somewhere.  He is really good at over reacting.

I am so tired right now.  Long walks the last couple of days and no sleep have caught up to me.  I woke up early this morning having some kind of allergic reaction.  My eyes were all swollen and puffy, I was sneezy and my throat was sore.  I took my meds and feel better now, but I still have itchy eyes and sneezes.  I'm hoping rain tomorrow helps me out.

Sparkle On

  I don't need books, but I like the rest

Yesterday I read this awesome article about daily habits and one of the commenters mentioned she looks for the sparkle.  That one thing that surprises you, makes you smile, or makes your heart happy.  It really resonated with me, so I'm going to look for the sparkle in everyday and share it with you!  Today's sparkle is kinda weird, but it's hopeful.  I had to work on updating my talent profile for my upper mgmt to review.  yay me and a possible developmental opportunity!

The rest of my day has been pretty awesome.  Got in a massive walk, 4.5 miles, but with 20 mph winds the walk home was brutal.  My quads are still burning!  It's all good though, no pain no gain right.  I also got some blisters, again.  I am not sure what is causing them, and they are always on the same toes.    I've loosened and tightened my shoes, same results.  Any help?

Just as I was getting home from my walk the Ex called.  I haven't talked to him since NY and it was weird.  As normal he focused all on me and avoided all questions I directed back at him.  He was very interested in my new job as he's ready to settle down too.  I think it may become a possibility for him in the future, but the new project has to be a success first.  At the end of the call he turned on his nice voice, and I knew I had to get off the phone ASAP.  He is not a person I need to take a trip down memory lane with.  It's way too dangerous.

Tonight I'm going to watch some of my favorite shows.  New Girl, Mindy Project, Awkward and Tardy for the Party!

Apologies

Sorry I went MIA the last couple days but several things became quite clear and it's not always easy to process them.

• My whole Clint problem resolved itself.  I figured out that he doesn't need me anymore.  He's settled down with Brittney and hasn't called me in over a week.  We talked this morning but it was work related and he made sure I knew she was there.  Awkward.  It's not the easiest to deal when you've been replaced and I won't lie, it's a bit heartbreaking.  I'll move on and at least I know what brought on the funk.
• My parents can really be a bunch of asshats.  It's not intentional, at least I don't think it is, but I don't think I should have to fight for their attention.  BooBoo is clearly cute and fun and adorable, but I have real things to say, that actually matter to my life.  I left my sis's early yesterday because I just gave up.  I came home and cleaned instead, at least I appreciated my efforts.
• I'm finding I need a break from everyone.  We all have our dramas and things to complain about, and I know I do the same, but I'm over it.  I need to clear my head and my space for a while.  I need to get all the negative out and focus on positive!  If you haven't heard from me in a while, don't take it personally or do.  I need a mental break.  (if you really need me leave a voicemail.  that's when I know it's serious)
• All I can think about is baking.  And to be honest I'm just going to give in because it makes me happy and is usually very therapeutic.  I have to go various offices this week so I'll keep up my status of "girl who brings in treats"
• I lost 3.5 lbs last week and I think I ate it all back last night in saltine toffee (OMG get the recipe off Pinterest and don't say I didn't warn you) and chips with cheese.  I plan on lengthening my walks this week so I feel about .0000005% justified in my eating.
• I had dinner Saturday night with 3 very dear friends and I'm still more confused about my job choices than ever.  It would appear I should have held a claims committee meeting with my co-workers before I decided to jump ship to the new job.  I know it's working for me and they are happy if I'm happy, I just had no clue how vocal they would be about it.
• The happiest news of the day:  I should get my braces off next month!  They took imprints for permanent retainers today.  I'm floored by this, I'm not sure it's even real.  This means I can start prepping for the week of eating my bucket food list:
• Jimmy Johns
• Cheesy popcorn
• Famous Dave's (ribs in general)
• licorice
• Starbursts
• corn on the cob

Happy Mother's Day

A little flash back to show just how awesome my mom is.  She's really the best one out there for me!

Mental Anguish

I'm feeling very torn about a lot of things lately.  I don't really know where to start or even how to explain it all.  My normal response is to shove it all down and pretend it doesn't exist, but I've done that for too long.  I started a new path in Dec when I took my job and I need to stop doing all the bad things in my life.  I keep hoping that if I get it out here it'll help me cope.  So far I just feel a bit confused so I'll try purging it all again.

1.  Feeling used and abused:  I like to help and offer support but I have my limits.  I will not feel guilty for choosing me.  I'm all I have and I need to be happy and healthy.  Guilt trips can be saved for someone else, the only trip I want to take is to a beach!

2.  How important is love to me?  This sounds super silly but I really don't know anymore.  I feel like I've told myself for so long that I don't need anyone that I'm not really sure I believe that.  I can take care of myself but I wonder, how nice it is to have someone to rely on?  to have someone who wants to be there to help and simply make me happy?  I need to stop kidding myself and put it out to the universe that I do believe in love and that I want to find it sooner rather than later.  I'm still unsure about thoughts on marriage and I can still confirm it's a big no on kids.  Baby steps right?

3.  Fearing that Clint is my one and we've just screwed it all up.  I realize there's less than a 1% chance this is true, but something about him has been nagging at me.  He's already moved into a new relationship (even though he denies it) and I can't help but be jealous.  Between age and distance I know deep down it's not right, but something in my optimistic love happy left brain wants it to work.  It's hard to accept unrequited love and to move on and pursue something new.

4.  Feeling that I'm missing out on job opportunities.  The manager who hadn't hired me in the past for my dream job is retiring.  This is huge news and should shake up and wake up that dept.  However I need to decide if I'm trying to open a door that I should leave sealed shut.  The fact that I even think that makes me know it's true.  I just have to stay strong, start my continuing ed again and just move forward.

5.  Dealing with the emotional damage caused by my childhood.  There's a lot of hurt and resentment that comes up every time I attempt to lose weight.  No one is perfect and I need to accept my mom did the best she could, but it's just so hard.  She's apologized time and time again, yet I still can't let it go.  I've read all kinds of articles and theories on how to let it go and move on, but none have been successful for me.  I'm really stuck on this one because no one I know (besides my sister) can truly relate.

6.  I need to accept that who and what I am is good enough.  I need to stop trying to measure up with other people.  I need to only be the best me that I can, not someone else's version of me.  I also need to deal with other's perception of me may not be changing as quickly or as often as I am changing.  I'm not the same person I was 5 yrs ago, shoot not even 5 months ago.  I cannot try to conform back to a person or personality that they want me to still be.

I thought getting this out would make me feel better, but so far I don't.  Maybe a good night's sleep and a couple shots of tequila will help.

Being broken

 My new habitat, the couch hurts!

My back started out better today and quickly went down hill.  I hate this and I'm gonna complain because I'm a big old baby.  I also feel like a crotchety old lady and would yell at people who were on my lawn, if I actually had my own lawn.  My back is actually hot where it hurts, like there is a fever in it.  Not cool!

I know it all started out as stress related and somewhat stupid lifting too much stuff, but now I'm wondering if it's a bit emotional related.  I'm wearing thin on being everyone's shoulder to cry on.  Let me summarize:

• if your husband is an ass tell him not me
• if your husband is neglectful tell him not me
• if you mom is a pain quit talking to her
• if your boss is a jackhole maybe you shouldn't be one right back
• if your co-workers are jackholes tell them, then work harder to make them look even worse
• don't ask me to make decisions about your career
• don't ask me how to spend your money (that answer is to always buy me a new Louis Vuitton)
• don't ask me to define your relationship

I am have my own issues to try and define.  I'm having a bit of a funk/mid life crisis.  I got my raise yesterday and it's awesome.  I mean super duper awesome!  But with that comes a lot of responsibility and expectations.  I'm somewhat prepared for it but at the same time it's a big commitment.  It could mean an extended time in Lincoln, but if it gets me promoted I'm for it.  

I looked at job postings today and 4 jobs in my old dept are open.  I debated about posting but know it's a step backwards.  I need to stay out of there and keep moving forward.  Progress is made by going forward.  I've been very doubty lately and I need to stop.  My instincts keep telling me I'm on the right path and I need to listen to them. 

I'm so used to using work as a way to escape all this "adult" stuff and I don't have that anymore.  I only have myself to answer to and right now I just keep stuttering.  I have no more answers and I don't know when I will.  Being an adult sucks, I'd like to ask for a refund on it.

Proud to be a loser

I weighed myself over the weekend and after 2 weeks of craziness I haven't gained an ounce.  I can honestly say I think I'm back on track with eating and knowing a portion size.  It's not easy and it totally sucks but I'm keeping at it.

I have 8 weeks, almost exactly, to family 4th of July vacation.  My sister has a weight goal and a size goal.  I wouldn't be surprised if she's already bought the outfit she wants to be into.  Ideally I'd love to be down 20 lbs by then, but I have to work really hard at it and be better prepared if I leave for work.  I saw some really cute outfits this weekend but I really don't know what size to even attempt to buy.  I'm already down one size on the bottom and my tops fit better.  I'd like to be down 2 pants sizes (and into regular misses sizing) and at least one size down on top.  It's a lofty goal but I have to keep going.

Here's my motivation:

• I want to wear Victoria's Secret Pink clothes, especially by the time football season rolls around.  The Packers gear last year was soooo cute.
• I want to buy pants from Old Navy or Target.  I go through work pants fast, so being able to buy off the rack and normal sizing would be great.
• I want to get into regular bra sizing and not have to pay $40 each.  If I do pay that much it's because it's something special, not because it's the only option I have.
• I want a super cute new tankini
• I'm obsessed with the cute multi-colored Nike running shorts.  I'm one size away!
• I want the "you got hot!" There are tentative plans for me to spend a couple days in Lincoln during my 2 weeks off and I want everyone who hasn't seen me to be able to notice.
• I want to be able to walk to the high school and back (4+miles round trip) in less than an hour.  I think I need to just start that path and work on my speed and endurance.
• I want to be able to wear knee high boots.  Even if they are special wide at top ones, they have to be better than the "plus size" options out there.

I think it's time to start reviewing my recipes and stock up the freezer!

On pets and children

I've noticed a great correlation in people who have pets and those who have children.  They usually have one before the other.  And those with more than one pet are some of the best parents I've met.  I've had the ability to have a pet for years now and I cannot commit.  I keep making up an excuse, and it's usually because of work.  I have managed to keep plants alive for almost 3 years now and I take that as a small victory.

I've really toyed with the thought of taking the leap and getting a dog, but it's a lot of work.  A lot of work that I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with.  I like cats, but I would never want one in my house.  I know a lot of it is based on selfish reasons like, liking sleep, and not wanting to be tied down to being home at certain times, and having to deal with kenneling etc when I leave town for extended periods of time.  I also hate the thought of training, I don't have a ton of patience for that.

I am constantly looking at Clint and Ande as the best pet parents I know and all the devotion they have for their dogs.  I just don't know if I have it in me.  I know that I can translate this directly into I don't have it in me to be a parent either.  I love BooBoo but she's been a nightmare with teething and I'm happy to walk out that door.  I love the twins, but terrible twos would put me in an asylum.  I can relate a little too well to the mom's who go batshit crazy.  I get it, and I don't know that I want to put myself in a situation that I wouldn't be able to control 100%.

Maybe I'll grow up eventually and be able to handle it, then again maybe not.  For now I'll just adore cute puppies from afar and babysit when the mood strikes.

She was supposed to be in bed, not scooting on the driveway

The morning after staying up too late scooting

Sun Guilt Sunday

Sun Guilt: found in northern climates when it starts to become spring.  The need/pull to be outside when you really need to run errands or perform tasks indoors.  The feeling you are missing out on the nice weather by being responsible.

I have a little sun guilt today.  I got a handful of errands done and some baking too.  I tried a new pumpkin bread recipe today, but I'm not sure if it's worth sharing.  Usually pumpkin things are better the next day so I'm hoping for a good taste test tomorrow.

I bought this adorable washi tape holder at Michaels today.  It was 40% off and came with another holder too.  They stack on top so I have one for seasonal and then this one.  Makes my Smashbooking just a little bit easier.

Tonight it's all about gypsy wedding and crocheting.  I used a whole skien of yarn last night only to realize I had been shrinking in the edges.  DANG it!  I had to unravel 2 night's worth of work.  So disappointing but easily fixed.  Oh and my back isn't any better and it's been a week :(.  I may have to break down and see a doctor.  

Stupid Saturday

• I woke up feeling awful today, stupid allergies
• My back isn't better so I vacuumed, I'm stupid
• I hung new bulletin boards, picture rails and signs, my back hurts, I'm stupid
• I took a walk and stretched like a mofo, helped a little.
• I played with BooBoo and picked her up once, I'm stupid
• I love avocado and I ate a whole one, now I only have 2pt left.  Stupid
• Stupid is as stupid does.  I'm going to call it a night and start fresh tomorrow

Maple Syrup Man strikes again

Message from my dad to my bro in law regarding tomorrow's fishing opener.  He's a funny one!

Today was such a good day.  Had a trip to Hobby Lobby, Ikea, and Super Target with my sissy.  I spent way too much money, but once I get my house in order it's gonna be totally worth it.  Even my back has started to feel better.  I'm hoping one more good night's sleep will help it be back to 100%.  I just have to take it easy with the Auntie jungle gym tomorrow.  The twins love when I toss them around, but I know I won't be able to do too much.  Guess it'll be all kisses and tickle fights!

Maple Syrup Man

My dad took his love of syrup really far this year.  He bought over $1000 in supplies, tapped trees and boiled down sap to gallons of maple syrup.  This awesome bottle is one of 6 more like it.  Plus at least 24 various sized containers my mom has at home.  For the last 2 months we've all avoided mentioning anything syrup/sap related for fear of being sucked into convo with Maple Syrup Man.  My dad loves to talk, especially about his passions.  This year it appears to be BooBoo, Maple Syrup and shooting trap.  Bless his heart.

I like the syrup, it's delish, but this may take me 5 yrs to consume.  I need to start finding some recipes to use it in.  I have one for some overnight oatmeal that I'll start with.  Maybe I can use it instead of honey in my favorite energy snack bites.  If anyone else has ideas my mom and I welcome them.  We've got a lot of product to consume in 11 months.  Maple Syrup Man is already talking about how to make next year's operation better.  Lord help us all!

Wicked Weather Wednesday

This is what I drove into all the way home.  4 hours of wind, combined with mist, rain, sleet and finally snow.  It's been steadily snowing since I got home shortly after 2.  It's barely sticking to the ground.  I cannot believe it's actually May 1.  Sure as heck doesn't feel like it.

I've spent the rest of the day nursing my sore back and getting all my work stuff sorted out.  Everything I wanted to get done on Monday is partially done today.  Tomorrow needs to be balls to the wall to get my to do list done!  Likely I'll just sleep in late, do my bare minimum of work and settle in with my DVR.