Sins

Today a lot of discussion was given to sinning.  I'm not an overly religious person nor are the people who are near me, but I'm pretty sure I'll be going to hell if there is one.  In our discussion the 7 deadly sins were mentioned.  It would appear I live my life according to the sins instead of ignoring them.  Sloth, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, envy, and wrath.  I feel like I encounter every sin every day and instead of avoing the sin, I take it head on.  I should really look into changing my ways.  Then I wonder how fun my life would be.

The topic that lead into sinning was cheating.  This is a huge part of my job even though it shouldn't be.  When people travel for extensive periods it would appear vows and promises are forgotten.  I can think of a handful of co-workers who have not succombed to temptation.  I am not one of those people.  My ex turned me into his other woman and I knowingly slept with a married man this year.  This is a bad bad pattern I've accepted as ok.  I've been caught in this cycle since I was 24 and cannot seem to get away from it.

Commitment is the bane of my existence and in my sick justification I'd rather be on this side than the other one. i really do need to work on accepting myself as being good enough.  I don't need to be cast off and just accept being someone's second thought.  As cheesy as it is I need to accept that I am worthy of being loved.  I wish I could struggle with this less.  Instead I'm constantly reminded and tempted at work.

Bunny Pocket for Bunny Stuffs

If you're happy and you know it, SMILE

Lasagna and Laundry

                   The Worlds Meanest Mom                                        Toddler Flashdance Impersonation

          Took away his chair to stand on                                    or Toddler Yoga/Gymnastics

I look like a monkey

Cute babies made today so much better.  I will admit that PMS has struck and it's not pretty.  I've been full of rage all day for no reason.  I always know it's bad when I want/need the following: advil, sex, nicotine, cheetos and vodka.  The order isn't that imperative but it's what I want right now.  Please note the only thing I had was advil and that's because I'm pretty sure my uterus is trying to escape my body.

In order to dull the pain I busted out the toaster oven.  I made a pan of lasagna and have brownies baking right now.  I've also done 3 loads of laundry and determined I hate all my clothes.  Good thing I go home in a week to get all my summer stuff.  The temperatures in the Big D vary wildly this time of year, but I for sure don't need my sweaters anymore.  I've moved onto short sleeves and sandals already.  I'm sure the natives think I'm crazy but hey I'm ok with that.  I'm also concerned that I won't know how to react when I go back home to cold.  I'm way too used to 68 being the daily temp.

Yep

This pretty much sums up my day.  It wasn't a bad day but some bad things happened.  My annoying coworker has been gone all weekend and it's been glorious.  The bad thing is, as I just found out, is her father committed suicide over the weekend.  The even worse thing is she's insisting on coming back to work at the end of the week.  WHO DOES THAT?  I cannot imagine not grieving at home.  I hope her boss convinces her otherwise.  If not I'm gonna have to start praying again.  My other cube-mate and I figure it'll day 2 days before she cracks like an egg.

In fun things done today I went to Hobby Lobby.  I fucking love Hobby Lobby, but highly dislike that they aren't open on my day off!  I only got about 20 min to wander but I found a real cute headband for Chelsea.  And according to my sis that's a good thing as we don't think she can puke on it :)

I even went to a different Sally Beauty supply in search of glitter to add to some black polish.  I found that and the Hunger Games polish by China Glaze.  It's not supposed to be out until the end of the week but I scored 2 colors.  Both lovely glitters/flakies that I cannot wait to put on.  It's a shame I just gel-polished my nails on Friday.  Maybe I'll just layer the glitter on top of it.  I love the thought of sparkle nails, especially new sparkle nails.  I'm off to play frankenstein and make my boring black polish sparkle.

World's Best Pouty Face.  I cannot say no to it!

Not Dating

Last night was a lot of fun, for me.  The crush had his bad back start acting up so he was a bit of a lump, but I refused to let that ruin my night.  It was convenient when my feet hurt to go sit with him and pretend I was being supportive.  The club was super awesome.  Great layout, excellent band, older crowd, and good friends!  I'd actually go back which isn't something I say about clubs.

Today I had the perfect Sunday with the guy I'm not dating.  We had brunch with another friend, I went shopping while he napped.  Then we had a fabulous dinner at Pappadeux's and rented a movie.  Seriously for not being a couple we certainly do act like we are one.  It's been this way for a almost a week now and it's a bit scary for me.  It's like I'm test driving what a boyfriend would be like.  It stirs up a lot of weird emotions for me and I really don't know what to do with them.  Possibly part of it is that I don't know what it's like to actually date.  I jump ahead to the sex way too fast and skip all the fun getting to know you stuff.  With sex off the table for us, I actually find this quite enjoyable.  Hmmmm maybe I should get to know someone first.  What a novel idea.

Today's photo is my killer new shoes.  These are also out of my comfort zone, but I had to have them.  They fit well and for heels/wedges are super comfy.  Kork Ease may become my new favorite brand.

Going Out

Tonight I'm going out.  It's me and the boys so far.  We are meeting a friend's cousin and her friends so I'm hoping this turns out well.  Even if it doesn't I'm 4 beers in and won't care shortly.

Eating

Today was nothing exceptional.  It was quiet and for that I am thankful.  I felt like I accomplished things today.  The best news was that I could be headed back out to a CAT site for work as a trainer.  This is my work dream come true and would help so much if I'm granted an interview.

In other thoughts I'm going to focus on eating.  Something I love but hurts me at the same time.

Today I ate for nourishment, but also for comfort.
Today I ate because I had to, and I chose poorly.
Today I felt uncomfortable and sad, so I ate more than I should.
Today I feel shame, and want to eat even more.
Today instead of crying, I ate french fries.
Today I'm lonely, so I ate chips.
Today instead of feeling anything, I drank an extra soda.
Today instead of saying how I feel, I ate alone.
Today you made me feel like the fat girl not your friend.

This Face

Hello Chelsea and Sissy

Those faces are my world.  I cannot wait to get home and see them!  I have an overwhelming sad tonight because I want to be there so badly.  These are the moments I hate my job.  I hate that I was assigned the late weekend off.  I was selected to go home 5 weeks after arrival versus the normal 4.  Those 7 days are going to feel like forever.

Postings finally came out for the promotion I want.  The bad part is there's only 1 position posted for now and I know over 100 people will apply.  Competition is going to be tough but I have to keep telling myself this is my time!  After 8.5 yrs on the job I deserve this job.  I should know about an interview in 2 weeks, in that time I need to pass my continuing ed exam.  Time to hit the books.

Today was a weird day emotionally.  It was great having the mouth not be at work but it also allowed me maybe too much time to think.  My mind wandered a lot and now I'm feeling super down!  This sucks, weekend cannot get here fast enough.  I'm ready to go out and have a good time.

Audacity

That's the word of the day!  The crush had the nerve to drag me away from work today to ask me if I knew any details about a girl on my team.  He claims to be so conflicted about women that he wasn't sure if she was hitting on him or just being polite.  Said girl is currently linked to another co-worker and has been flirting with yet another.  I assured him that she was "involved" with someone else who was leaving and that it probably wasn't a good idea for them to go out.  I feel like this was a big ego trip and I just inflated it even more.  There needs to be sooo much distance between us over the next couple of days. If there isn't I may kill him.

Dinner!

 Today has been one of those days where I feel extraordinarily stabby and his shenanigans are not helping.  I will continue to plaster a smile on my face and force my way through, but it won't be easy.  He's even managed to ruin a day filled with sunshine and 80 degree temps.  That's a pretty major feat in my book.  Today it needs to stop.  I have to work harder at not letting him control how I feel.  I really wish I was going home on leave this weekend and not the rest of the team.  March 8th cannot come fast enough.

King of the Shopping Cart

Stuck

Is she just not the cutest!?

 Stealing Daddy's drink!  Diet Cherry Limeade YUMMMMYYYY

So I thought my nosey coworker had finally gotten the hit and shut up.  NOPE, I had to cave and ask her a question, I opened Pandora's box.  I forgot that she had a blood draw today so she was at a sugar low when she got into work.  That was quickly turned around and we suffered all.day.long!  She did get significantly better in asking me if I was busy before rambling on endlessly.  I'm curious to see if this lasts.

In other news I've found a weird dichotomy between the crush and I.  He wants to be just friends, I don't want to date anymore co-workers.  Things are going fine, except he doesn't like the thought of me going out with someone else.  I told a couple of the guys I wanted to go out this weekend and not be responsible.  So far so good, I tell the crush and he freaked out!  Asked if he could come and who I was going with and why I wanted to behave so recklessly.  I could not in a million years have imagined him reacting that way.  He also came to my desk twice today and is totally over-sharing his personal life details. 

I realized that if I had had this info last May I would have withheld my friendship.  It's weird how hindsight is 20/20.  I can't go back and I want to keep his company but his jealousy or whatever this reaction is, needs to wane.  I do NOT deal well with someone I'm not dating trying to control me.  My coworker Clint and I have really hit it off.  We have similar personalities and if he was single would be my type.  I still wouldn't date him but this drives the crush crazy.  He did not seem happy that I was trusting someone else to take me out.  Last time I checked I'm a big girl and know how to handle myself.

I feel that I've created all this drama at work and somehow need to make it all stop.  I am truly not a person who thrives in chaos.  I want calm.  I want to enjoy my coworkers and not worry about who I do and don't talk to.  I think distance and being aloof might be the motto for the next 4 days.

In fun news I'm going to the Rodeo at Cowboy stadium.  PBR presents the Iron Cowboy competition AND Dierks Bentley performs.  I love love love Dierks so this combines all things I love: music, tight pants, boots and TX country boys.  Giddyup!

Monday Monday

Today was not the best of Mondays but it certainly wasn't the worst.  Since I arrived in Dallas I have been dealing with a girl who has a very large need for attention.  She's quite vocal about it, as she is with everything else in her life.  I do not cope well with this kind of attitude.  She behaves like a bratty 4 year old much of the time.  Over the last several nights she has said the following to me:

You know you are here for my entertainment right?  I don't appreciate you working so much and not focusing on me.

I don't think you are the right fit for those of working at night.  You aren't nearly as vocal as you should be.  You aren't fun and you don't talk to me.

and the kicker

Ya know you could talk to us.  You don't have to be such a bitch and work all the time.

The last one was the final straw for me.  I've tried all tactics to hanlde her.  I tried complying and talking to her, but I was accomplishing nothing.  I explained that I was at work to do work and not be her personal entertainment.  I've tried explaining that when I'm ready to socialize I will.  NOTHING WORKS!

She honest to goodness threw a tantrum on Saturday afternoon when I, slightly hungover, was exceding her stats for the day and not talking to her.  There were witnesses and we were all taken aback.  So far the best defense is being able to listen to our iphones.  Alas today that was not the option, everyone was assigned to the phones so talking was maximized.  She invited herself into my personal conversations twice.  I very boldly univited her and asked her to mind her own business.  She has yet again told me I am too bitchy.

Well guess what, it's time to fight fire with fire!  She wants to keep calling me bitchy, well bring it on!  This means war.

I have to share this link: http://www.soveryblessed.com/2012/02/cake-batter-puppy-chow.html

to make this:  Cake Batter Puppy Chow.  I am currently fighting every urge in my body to not eat the whole bowl.  Thankfully it makes about half the size of my normal Puppy Chow mix.  Delish!

So last night I had a dream that there were 2 boa constrictors in my bed and another python in my living room.  This was a very very weird dream because my mom wouldn't get rid of them.  The bedroom is the one in my hotel and the living room was at my parent's house.  It was all very confusing and very late at night.  I could not piece it together, other than my overwhelming and hyper aware fear of snakes.  The one thing in life that scares me to the point of anxiety.  See the following dream interpretation from my iphone app.


the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.


After reading that interpretation I feel the snakes were spot on in my dream.  Today while texting the crush he referred to me as his wing woman.  The pretty much sums it all up!  I'm on to bigger and better now.  I recently found out the PBR is coming to Cowboy Stadium and I'm going to cowboy up!

Halp! Halp!

Somehow my very cute nephew got himself stuck in the chair.  The video I was sent is him sitting very calmly and very nicely saying halp, halp!  He's just too cute for words.  Stuck but very cute being stuck.

In other news I feel like shouting HALP HALP!  The crush is no longer a crush, every day I spend with him I feel like baby shaking him.  He's having a very difficult time due to his ex and it's affecting him in all ways.  I cannot fix him, I cannot make him feel better, all I can due is try to be comforting.  I listen as best I can but want to scream just stop!  It's like he's marinating in self pity and I will not give in to his pity party ways.  His energy is so unsettled I have a hard time even being near him.  He makes me feel unsettled and I shouldn't.

So this means for me I feel like crap.  I fell hard for him, had the build up in my head, and now it's a total let down.  I don't have any other options in the office and I really value his friendship but for now I need to push him away.  It's affected me so largely that everyone around me can feel it.  I don't want to explain it so everyone just thinks I'm focused and being bitchy.  I have a hard time carrying my own demons let alone those of someone else.

It's so hard to be let down.  It doesn't help my mood or my depression.  I've had the give up feeling this week very badly.  I just don't care about work, about friendships, about anything really.  I hate that I let this happen.  This is why I prefer to be an emotional robot.  This is why I like to ignore guys, or just lust from afar.  It's so much easier to never get close enough to get hurt.  This is why I'm home alone on a Sat night eating chinese food and watching a bad romantic comedy.

Trying to be happy

Today was such a suckfest I cannot even begin to describe it.  I don't want to either.  I just know that the sad was back overwhelmingly so today.  Yesterday was so good and today sooo bad.  Makes worry that I'm going through manic periods.

Instead I'll share at the cuteness that happened at Casa de Ingram today.

This is what happens when husbands are asked to put away toilet paper.

Let's Go Shopping!

Asleep?                                       Nope Just kidding!

Baseball

So last night I had a crazy dream about playing baseball.  I HATE baseball more than any other sport in the world.  It was very bizarre, but of course I looked it up in my dream dictionary.

you find contentment, but no real gains, in life unless you quit “playing” and buckle down to achieve your goals. 

 

Or

 

To dream that you are playing baseball, denotes your need to set goals and achieve them.  It is time to stop goofing around and set your sights on the long term.

 

And finally

 

To see or hold a baseball bat in your dream represents you motivating and driving forces.

I guess this means I need to buckle down and start my study plan.  I can be social at work but need to limit my outside fun time, especially since I want to get promoted very very soon.

Today was a very good day.  I decided to be positive and just be happy.  I've been letting the sad creep in way too much at work and my negativity was contagious.  Today was so much better, and my mentee finally realized I can't answer all his questions.  He has to ask others for help too.  

The best part of my day was Heinz bringing me our favorite gelato at the end of my shift.  I think I'm going to go get some right now.

Happy Chelsea, Cute Chelsea!

Happy Sara, Cute Sara!

Happy Valentine's Day

For someone who'd love to have a Valentine to smooch on I had a pretty awesome day.  Got to see my boss, her boss and co-workers.  My work BFF is in town and we had sushi, wine and gossip for dinner.  Just what the doctor ordered.  It was a great night! 

I also have 3 of the cutest Valentines.  See below for proof!

My jeans have pockets for baby stuffs

Nigh Nigh Dino's

Why yes I like bath time

Awkward

Awkward is texting your ex and the crush/friend at the same time.  I keep praying that I don't send one of them the wrong message!  The ex needs to back off and enjoy his girlfriend (ahem, the one he chose over me) and the crush needs to move faster!

Today's Scorpio horoscope: You are getting busier and busier, so it's time for you to be a lot more selective about whom you spend your free time with. If you have an intense relationship brewing, you may need to put it on the back burner until you have a bit more flexibility in your schedule. Right now, you don't have enough mental bandwidth to give this relationship the attention it deserves. This is not a game you're playing -- this is serious stuff, and it needs serious attention.  

I'd have to say the horoscope might be right.  Work came crashing down today, not horribly but quite a bit.  It's nice to have my boss in town to bounce ideas off of and realize that maybe my co-workers are a bunch of momma's boys!  I'm pretty tough for a girl working in a male dominated field but some of these guys are going to get chewed up and spit out pretty damn fast.  Time to suck it up buttercup!  And my one relationship down here keeps getting stronger and stronger everyday, not necessarily how I wanted to it to grow but it's still good.  I still have a smile every time I walk away from his desk.

You need a cup, here let me help

MUST HAVE ALL THE SOFT TOYS

ouch

This morning was not pretty.  My legs feel like i crushed them under a steam roller.  Apparently my fall was worse than I thought, even my back hurts.  My knee doesn't hurt when I walk so I think it's just severely bruised and really gross.  I wanted to post a photo but it's just way too yucky!

Today I went to the Dallas Museum of Art and saw the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibit.  It was closing today and the line was crazy long.  My co-worker and I got there early and only waited an hour to see it.  By the time we left it was almost 3 hours long.  It was a quite impressive collection, really extensive and detailed.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  Now I need to convince Heinz to go on Friday night when they have music and drinks and stay open late.  We need to become more cultured.

After the museum I went shopping and found a great pair of boots for $20.  I had spied them months ago and my waiting paid off.  Now I need to make sure not to kill myself again trying to step over a curb.  I also bought flip flops just in case.  A girl always needs a back up plan.

I've also grocery shopped, cleaned my room, did the dishes, made dinner, did my nails tips and toes and paid bills.  I'm so wiped out after so little sleep last night.  I'm off to bed now.

Rawr means I love you in Dinosaur

Beer for dinner

Somedays you just need to do exactly that. My dinner at 3am was cheetos preceded by roughly 8 beers. Dinner of champs!

Heinz and I went to a cinema grill and saw Mission Impossible 4. It was pretty good but even better with beer. Before we even got in the movie I tripped on my heel and smashed into the ground. I still couldn't tell you what happened but I have a skinned knee and a lot of swelling. I am soooo clumsy, good thing I climb roofs for a living.

Heinz and I had an enlightening talk about relationships. We do this all the time but tonight was different. I saw him as a true friend and he gave some good advice. Now if I can just follow through and let love find me.

Whoa!

Today was intense.  It started off pretty normal; busted through a fair amount of work, had a meeting, went to lunch with friends and caught up with another co-worker.  As I was getting ready to settle in for the afternoon my co-worker Brad came up to me.  He was all red, and not in a good way.  He lifted up his shirt and was covered in hives.  We high-tailed it to the ER and he was admitted for 3 hours.  After some good meds he was fine but damn if that wasn't scary.  He got so bad so quick and we have no clue what caused it.  We ate at BW and he had a burger and fries.  I'm so happy he's ok!  For once I called my boss to tell her I was in the ER but wasn't hurt.  Yes I have had to call her 3 separate times from an ER.

Once I got back to work, with 15 min to spare, I spent it all talking to my crush.  He was concerned as I had been gone and he didn't know why (no cell reception in the ER).  I ended up staying until 8, an hour after my shift was over just chilling out gossiping.  I feel so at ease when I'm with him.  It's so nice to have a male perspective too.  He also accused me of staring at his chest.  I have no doubt I was but then he just kept saying "eyes up here."  I couldn't stop laughing and just stopped looking at him.

Now it's been a glass of wine with my bride shows.  Nice and relaxing.

Skinny Jeans too big for Skinny baby

Huh

I was so caught up in going out last night I totally forgot to post.  I went out for my crush's birthday and it was great, despite the fact that he took a super long nap and we didn't leave til 9:30.  I finally got home at 2:30 but it was so fun.

We talked all night and I realized I miss the socialization related to work.  It's so nice having others to speak with who understand your job.  I also realized I'm not the only one whose broken when it comes to relationships.

Don't get me wrong I love my family and friends but they don't get this lifestyle.  I was talking to a friend who took a permanent position and had a hard time adjusting to a "normal" life again.  It's just so weird how we lose all semblance of normal when you do this job.  You work a 12 hour day or more, you work 6 days a week and don't get paid regular overtime.  Even working in the in-office environment it's 10 hr days 6 days a week.  I don't know how to spend my extra 2 hours.  It so weird to not be constantly exhausted and have a little time to work out and maybe have a hobby.


Today's picture is business Chelsea.  This little cardigan makes her look like she has shoulder pads circa Designing Women.

Chelsea Sugarbaker don't need no pants

Naked Smiling Babies

Thank goodness for 2 of my 3 babies being naked and happy today.  Chelsea and Danyal made my day so much better.

At lunch I had to call mom and the BFF to vent about how stupid some people are.  I'm not one to brag or toot my horn too much but dang am I smarter than the people in my group.  I practically got whiplash when 1 person said "oh that's how you do that"  I wanted to scream "that's what I was trying to tell you all summer"  In the end I bit my tongue and went along for the boring ride.

Alternately I didn't get to see my crush all day due to work stuff!  So not cool, but once my shift was over and I went by his desk he was grumpy about his birthday.  He insists on not doing anything even though he's working the early shift and we could actually go out!  I'm trying not to be too pushy about it but who doesn't want to celebrate their birthday.  I'm going to wear him down.  It's my personal goal for tomorrow.  If I don't get him to go out I know I have to back off, I fear I'm in the friendzone already.

Creeping

Today was the most boring day of training I may have ever experienced.  I learned only 1 new thing and that wasn't even that new.  Hoping tomorrow is better, or that I can at least surf the net a little bit more.

My sis texted me after lunch and asked if I had slo-mo ran towards my crush like they do in the movies.  Given our office and a very long/dividing corridor this would be feasible, but did not happen.  Instead his desk is tucked away into weird corner and he works with all men, who have clearly been away from their wives for too long.  Due to his work load we didn't get to talk much.  Maybe later this week.  I did find out his birthday is Wed, so I'm trying to plan something nice.  It sucks he has to work til 9pm every night.  I'm hoping to find a nice local non chain restaurant to take him out.

Today was the first in several that I noticed my depression creeping it's way back in.  Instead of things being fun and new I felt that crushing wave of sad come over me.  I'm not sure why but it's here.  It's making me feel self destructive, not self harming but self deprecating.  It's a sense of not being good enough, a fear of rejection, just an overall sad.  I am trying so hard not to give in, but it's just so overwhelming, suffocating, like I'm drowning.  I even worked out tonight in an attempt to boost my endorphins.  No luck yet.  Maybe tomorrow

Super Bowl Sunday Funday

Well that game didn't totally suck.  I still don't care that the Giants won, but at least I had something entertaining to watch while I did my nails.

I bought a new polish today.  It's one of the OPI Nicki Minaj.  It's a saturated black and silver glitter and I am in love. I cannot stop staring at my nails.  I LOVE glitter and nailpolish so this is a dream come true.  I also put new "stickers" on my toes.  Red with white hearts, appropriate for V-day next week.  Again, soooo cute.  I love having cute toes, especially when it just takes putting on stickers.

I'm all unpacked in the most pimped out hotel room I have ever had.  This is nicer than the apt I stayed in 3 years ago.  This room has everything but an oven.  Separate bed and living room, breakfast bar and stools, desk, 2 easy chairs and a somewhat uncomfortable couch.  Hope the bed is nice.  That can be a big buzz kill, at least it's kind sized.  I also have a guide on my TV.  This may seem silly but I cannot stand not knowing what channels I have and what's on.  This may be my most comfortable 90 days yet.

I didn't take any photos today either.  I was so excited to get into Dallas that it slipped my mind.  Oh well.  I'll try harder next week.

800 miles of thinking

My job requires that I drive to all my deployments.  When I first started I would go through my phone and call everyone.  Now, not so much.  I like my quiet time and have enough distractions when driving that I don't need to talk as well.

Today's musing were on how to describe my depression and what if's.  I'll describe the depression another day.  My brain and eyes hurt too much to make it logical.

Instead here are the things that wandered through my mind about see my crush next week:
What if I've made this all up in my head?
What if he only wants to be friends?
What if he's with someone?
What if he doesn't want to date anyone right now?
What if he won't date a co-worker?
What if I do something stupid?
What if I get drunk and do something really stupid?
Can I make him kiss me?
Can I date someone who lives 1000 miles away?

The my mind really wandered into the fact that I have a king sized bed (I called to check).  Those thoughts are beyond a PG rating so I won't share.

I don't have any photos today.  I drove through fog, mist, sleet, snow, more sleet, freezing rain, and more mist.  By the time I thought about stopping I was already on the KS Turnpike and sooo close to my hotel.  I will have some tomorrow.  I decided my SuperBowl treat will be Sprinkles cupcakes and wine.

Friday

2 car garages make me crazy happy

It makes me so happy because for the first time in 2.5 years I have both cars in my possession in my 2 car garage!  The white van is for work and currently contains my whole life with the exception of my blow dryer and flat iron.  The red one I put approximately 3 miles on today and it will now sit until I get back home in 28 days or so.  Nothing like a new car you won't use.

Today was crazy busy.  I ran a couple last minutes errands and packed.  Then picked up the new ride.

I started to get really emotional again last night.  I hate the thought of leaving; particularly the babies!  Those 3 little beings are my world and for them to not have auntie for 28 days is hard.  I really feel torn about my job.  I've been doing it for 8.5 years and up until 18 months ago never had a problem leaving.  Once the twins were born and Chelsea was on her way it all changed.   I dread leaving, but still love my job.  I wish our local office had positions available.  Unfortunately that's not the case and won't be for a while.  There's a lot of change within my company and my job is safe and pays well.  I can't take too many leaps.  I think I'll just learn how to skype!

Baby Popeye or a really bad fart?

Putting it out to the Universe

So much good happened today.  My loan was approved.  I got my hair did and I love it.  See my crappy photo below.  AND I got deployed for work; heading to Dallas on Saturday morning.  My family believes in putting out the good to the universe and it will answer back.  My mom, sis and I have done this for years and are firm believers.  Today was no exception to putting out the good.

I am so elated about going to work.  I need the money, but more importantly I need routine and to get out of WI.  I am so hoping this helps my depression and insomnia.  Only time will tell.  I can guarantee I won't sleep well for the next week or so, but after that I should be balanced out.  I also have a date planned.  A friend has promised to take me out to dinner and drinks.  I cannot wait to see him Monday.

I got to spend time with my whole family today as well.  Saw baby Chelsea and smooshed her cute little face.  She loves kisses from Auntie but not so much when I smoosh her cheeks and make a baby fish face.  I'm going to miss all my peanuts!  I hope they don't grow too much in the next 4 weeks.

New Hair, lots of bold red and blonde but you can't tell cause I suck at portraits

Smooshing her own cheeks!

That pit

I have a horrible pit in my stomach.  About 3pm my bank notified me that my loan isn't approved and I may need to come up with the balance of my truck loan.  I tried to cancel the deal but they've already started to install the sunroof on the new Jeep.  I have 2 plans to put into action; neither ideal, but it has to work.  The bank is awaiting for a final review by their corporate counterparts so here's hoping they agree and give me the loan I applied for.

In fun news I finalized the menu for my Superbowl of food; Spicy pulled pork sandwiches, pizza roll ups, buffalo chicken wontons, bacon cheeseburger dip, chips and queso/salsa, peanut butter brownies and puppy chow.  The puppy chow is for watching the puppy bowl.  The puppy bowl is for baby Chelsea (and auntie and grandma and mommy and daddy).  I think she needs to start learning the importance of puppies, at 3 weeks old ;)

Getting my hair done tomorrow.  I'm sooo excited for this.  I LOVE everything about my stylist and his salon.  I'll post a photo if I remember to take one.  I'm horrible about remembering lately.  I blame the insomnia.

Pretty in Pink Chelsea