F it Friday

I see you Auntie 

Today was nothing to write home about.  I struggled to talk all day.  I did as little work as possible, which lead to everyone whining to me.  I am so over being everyone else's sounding board.  Do not mistake me being mute for me actually caring!

Today was H's last day at work and of course he couldn't go out without a fight.  His TM is a beast, there's no nice way to say it and she made sure he knew she was in charge.  He had to stay until almost 5pm, which is not normal.  When you get released you get to go early, everyone knows that.  Not the queen of the power trip.  She even got on him for not working, when he was helping his mentee.  I'm happy he's checked out and has some freedom.

What I'm unhappy about is that he canceled his flight home tonight.  I'm still not sure why, but now he's flying home tomorrow and won't be back until late Monday afternoon.  This change in plans at a very late hour led to some scrambling about what to do tonight.  Clint, Anne and I had zero plans and we were all very happy with that.  H apparently wasn't.  He went all martyr on us and expected us to drop our plans and schedule our night around him.  I was happy to oblige but he couldn't tell me one single thing he wanted to do!  I guarantee he goes to the strip club tonight.  

I think what bugs me the most is I feel like he's trying to sabotage his goodbye in an attempt to make it easier.  I know I've done it in the past, if you make someone mad at you it's easier to say goodbye.  As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he'd going to miss a lot of the aspects of work.  With him being an independent contractor you never no when work will come again.  He will never admit he wanted today to be all about him, and it wasn't.  It was a normal Friday for the rest of us.  Sure I'm sad he's leaving BUT he'll be here all next week.  I can see him every night after work, although I know he's going to play hard to get.  I hope he keeps our date on Wed night, if not, well that could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

I've been having this very odd feeling like this could be the last time I see him.  I know that's weird but it's how I feel.  I think we'll keep in touch for a while, but it fades.  It always does.  He wants his next deployment back to Dallas, I want mine in MN.  Our lives will go different ways and I'm not sure how vested we are to each other.  I've intentionally been pulling away from him and sharing less and it's not affected me all that much.  I don't think he's even noticed, he just fills my silence with more focus on him.  Ego feeding seems to win so much more than I do.  It's as if I've prepared myself for the break up.