Twin reading powers!  and yes she does have a literal monkey on her back

We don't have the heart to tell her that's not how to use the potty

Cute baby?  Just add a bunny coat.  It even has a tail

How you doin?

Today was just such a roller coaster of a day.  Work wise it was fine, some info came out about the loud mouth trying to replicate my role on the team, but other than that normal operating procedure.

Friendship wise it was just odd.  H has been very depressed this week and I couldn't figure out why.  Work certainly wasn't the place to talk about it so we had dinner and some drinks tonight.  Of course he let it all out, but in a much more controlled way than before.  He's learning what I will and won't react to.  His main problem is exhaustion and taking care of himself.  We all sacrifice on this job and sleep and health are the first things to go.  He's been focused on getting sleep and choosing who he wants in his life.  Thankfully I keep making that cut, but it's hard when everything you want isn't where you are.  I totally understood where he was coming from but a lot of what he needs to fix I can't help with.

The one thing that sticks with me is him pointing out that I'm not happy with myself.  He openly admitted he's not happy with who he is, but he physically can't make himself better without surgery.  I can, but tonight was not about me.  It was about him and making him feel better.  I think I succeeded, but not 100%, you can only fix what you are willing to change.  I'm hoping tomorrow he's feeling better, but he gets a whole day to himself.  He has tomorrow off instead of Sunday in hopes of getting his truck fixed and finding an apt.  I'm looking forward to a little break of analyzing and just being me.

sick

I woke up at an ungodly hour this morning to be sick.  I spent all morning back and forth to the bathroom.  I was hoping to be better by the time work came around and I wasn't.  I called my manager and he gave me a guilt trip because another co-worker had called in sick due to back problems.  Oh Gee, let me see about making this involuntary need to evacuate my stomach every 15 min just stop so I can make your numbers look good.  I tried to get ready for work by noon and it just didn't happen.  I notified my boss and all he cared about was me submitting a form.  When I told him I was communicating via Blackberry I got no further response.  I'm still bothered by the whole situation, it's not like I was faking, but I'm sure he's skeptical.

The rest of my day was spent reading magazines, napping and watching movies on HBO.  Oh so exciting but at least I've been able to keep some food down.  I'm actually debating about going to bed now.  I still feel wiped out.  It was kinda nice to have a whole day to not have to talk to anyone.  Besides a handful of texts to the boys it's been a peaceful day.

Sucky

That's the only way to describe today. H was a dick when I got back. Apparently he didn't sleep last night so that makes it ok to no longer be empathetic. I also found out I won't be interviewing for the job I want. No good reason why, so my boss is calling HR tomorrow. Just really tops off 3 days of crap!! I'm super mad about both and its hours later. I've worked out, purchased my new IPad and ate an awesome dinner. Oh and I almost hit my boss's boss in the hotel parking lot. I don't think he realized it was me. If he did I'll hear about it tomorrow. Anyways still mad. I want to give big thanks to Mom Missy and Sue-bee for listening to me whine today. I owe you all big time!!

Reasons it's all worth it

After a short and quick burial, and an even quicker lunch I was on my way to spend time with 2 of my 3 favorite short people.  The twins instantly make me feel better, even if they are crabby, and tooty, and just plain silly.  I love cuddle times and hearing them quickly expand their vocabulary.  Today Danyal had barkypoo (BBQ) and peedabee (peanut butter) and Sara gave me her signature hello, pretty and love you.  5 minutes with them makes me feel so much better and helps me stay grounded in what I'm doing.

Tonight I spent some much needed time with my mom.  We saw The Hunger Games.  What an amazing book to movie adaptation.  Just fantastic!  I cannot wait for the next 2.  Then we sat and talked.  Or I talked and she listened and gave advice only a mom can.  She very accurately described my relationship with H as friends without benefits!  It borders on being a couple, but NOT quite.  Mom's always know best.

Funerals Shouldn't Contain the Word Fun

World's Cutest Baby dressed up for her Great Grandma's funeral

So I was up at zero dark thirty to fly home for my maternal grandmothers funeral.  I tried to nap but to no avail.  I was at the funeral by 3 and just watched the weirdness unfold.

My mom's 2 sisters and 3 brothers all showed up, as well as a 7 of my cousins.  I was very anti-social and just played with the baby and sat with my sister and made fun of it all.  It really wasn't like a wake, more of a social hour.  

Once the funeral came around I got a little teary, nothing major though.  I didn't really care for the pastor as he chose some odd word choices and emphasized my grandma's hard times and being a widow.  Something I didn't think needed to be brought up over and over.  My 2 cousins, closest to my grandma, gave eulogies.  I started to tear up more and then realized I'd never stopped cry from before.  I have this emotional block where I don't cry for months and then it all comes out.  I've not cried cried in quite a while so this was not the time or the place.  Once the funeral was over I still couldn't stop.  My mom knew it was kinda funny and my poor dad just stood there, unable to say or do anything.  I don't blame him, it's awkward for me as well.  I HATE crying.  It's just not me.  Here's to hoping tomorrow will be better at the burial.

I will say this as my own remembrance of my grandma.  She taught me to be crafty.  I learned needlepoint from her at the age of 7.  She taught me crochet at 9, and always let me help her bake.  She instilled home made values in me from a very young age.  She always made the best potato salad and lemon chiffon cake.  Two recipes I cherish.  I sincerely hope there is a heaven, because somewhere my grandfather has been getting chewed out for missing out on the last 47 years.  RIP Betty Jane

A perfect Sunday

I got to sleep late and a lot!
I went to Starbucks, Target and my favorite cupcakery Sprinkles.
It was 85 and sunny, I have more freckles because of it.
I could smell the blue bonnets.
I had a wonderful afternoon on the patio with beers, brats and good friends.

Silent Saturday

 Happy kitty Sleepy kitty giant ball of anger!

So much funny with Chelsea petting her body guard Alfie.  He loves that baby more than I do and is very protective of her. He's never far from her and if you hold her he has to be touching you.  He's clawed Grandpa a couple of times just for good measure.

Today was a blah day at work.  H inherited my crabby mood from yesterday so I spent most of today trying to cheer him up.  Hopefully a good night's sleep is all it takes.  The annoying girl next to me was out sick and I could not have been more happy.  It was blissfully quiet.  The best part is that I'll be gone for 2.5 days then come back and she'll be gone for almost 6!  Hurray for me.

Tonight was just about perfect.  Brad, H and I hit up my favorite mexican restaurant Pappasitos.  We sat outside on the patio and enjoyed the 75 degree evening.  I have a full belly, a happy heart and a tired noggin!

Tomorrow is all about me time.  Things that I like to do and that make me happy.  First up will be Starbucks, probably a trip to Target, some shopping to find a certain baby TX sized bows and then some lounging - maybe even poolside to soak up some sun.  For now it's off to bed to sleep as long as I possibly can.

Finally Friday

How Happy is this baby!

This week felt like it was never ending.  One more day, 11 more hours to go and I can put this craptastic week to end.  H pointed out today that something isn't right with me.  He's very right, but I can't quite put my finger on it.  I talked to my Sue-Bee tonight and I still don't have an answer but a big part of it is reality.

The reality of having a travel based job. Of not being able to settle down, because who's gonna put up with a significant other being gone 6 months a year.  The reality that my job is a bit of a dead end.  I can't go back home and work because there is nothing there for me.  So I try to get promoted and after 2 years it's been endless hoop jumping and still no interview.  The reality that I have 3 of the cutest babies at home growing up without me.  It's really not ok for them to only see me every 28 days for a handful of hours.  I'm missing milestones and I have no choice.  The reality that I have no choice in my job.  I go where they tell me, I stay where they tell me, I drive what they tell me.  The control has become overwhelming as of late.

I'm going to call it a night before I sink my self further into the funk I'm already in.  I keep saying tomorrow has to be better.  And one of these days it will. 

Chelsea doesn't like shots!

Today I did not want to wake up to a missed call from my parents.

Today I did not want my mom to tell me, voice quavering, that grandma had passed.

Today I did not want to book an emergency flight home.

Today I did not want to work, listening to other people whine over shingles seems so trivial.

Today I did not want to cry at work, but I did, twice.

Today I did not want to work out, but I did

Today I did not want to eat healthy, but I did.

Today I am grateful for my family, tomorrow I will be as well.

Tonight I am sad and lonely

Tomorrow will be better

Hump day

ya know just being cute

My brother in law has never seen Stuart, how sad is that!

Yet another day of unremarkableness, the only thing of note is that my grandmother is going to pass away in the next week.  I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation, but sad is not really it.  It's a weird situation with my mom's family and her 8 siblings.  Serveral won't be coming and I just don't agree.  It's your mother, you only have one, and you should say goodbye.  I think frustrated is the best way to describe the whole ordeal.  Either way it'll be nice to go home again. 

I still cannot get a control on this whole lose an hour due to working more situation.  I'm exhausted, I've barely scratched my to do list for today and I still need to study.  I think sleep wins.  Let's hope for tomorrow to be quiet so I can take some practice tests online.

My 9 week old nieces painted toes!

Confront the change

BABY TOES

Auntie please buy me a TX sized bow, this one is too little

Fancy Girl

Today started off rough.  No sleep due to thunder all night, late for work, no coffee and I was generally grumpy.  The  morning didn't get much better.  My annoying co-worker was especially annoying.  AND then she started talking out of her butt.  She told and agent to contact his legislature if he didn't like the law.  AND she told an insured to fire her contractor if he couldn't fix 4 shingles.  I had had enough!  I told her very politely she needed to watch what she was saying.  Sure we all think these things, but you cannot, under any circumstances say those things aloud.  She got all huffy, sat down and didn't speak to me for 8 glorious hours.  

Shortly after our confrontation I went to lunch and felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of me.  I whizzed through Target, got lunch and made it back to my room to eat.  I went back to work feeling so happy!  I really needed to let her know how I felt.  The best part is, I wasn't the only one feeling like that.  The boys were so uncomfortable, but didn't know how to confront her.  Good thing I don't mind speaking my mind.

The downfall of today is my lack of time!  I cannot believe how big of a difference working one more hour makes.  I highly dislike being done at 8pm.  I never thought I'd long for the days of working 7-7.  I rushed around tonight to get some new tank tops, grocery shop and work out.  I finally ate dinner at 10pm.  I'm so wiped out.  I'm finally done with my errands so hopefully I can be in bed early tomorrow.  I think this is my punishment for such a good Sunday with H.  I put off all my normal Sunday duties so now I'm paying for it.  Oh well, it was worth it.

 Perky to sleepy in 2 min

CHEEESE and I decided today I hate socks

Oscar the Grouch was talking to him

Today was a rough day.  Started a longer shift and it was not pleasant.  Thank goodness tomorrow is day 45 of 90.  I am sooo ready to be done with this in office job.  I want my freedom.  Tonight, getting done at 8, really cramps my style.  I managed to work out and get laundry done.  I should have done some project work but I cannot stand the thought of MORE work after work.  Tomorrow I need to get to the grocery store and Target.  Here's hoping it stops raining eventually.  

Fantastic

Playing is serious business

I'm not sure that this isn't child abuse

Today was such a good day.  Hangover, a sick grandma and an awkward dinner can't keep me down.  I have the best non-boyfriend in the world.  Anyone who picks me up and chauffeurs me all day easily wins me over.  Put on top of that, our first stop was greasy appetizers and bloody mary's makes him even better.  He even commented that I wasn't being bossy and dominating, I told him when he takes such good care of me I don't need to.  Our "dates" make me think I could actually be successful in a real relationship.

Over drinks this afternoon I told him about my list making.  H didn't say much about it other than it is good to know what I want.  The one thing that has stuck with me, that he said, is that finding the right guy will most likely result in me quitting my job.  I really think he's right and I don't have any desire to quit any time soon.  Certainly this isn't law or will have to happen, but it makes me think long and hard.  For now I can deal with being single, as much as I don't really want to be.  Our time together as a non couple has made me see how nice it is to have that "someone."  I'm starting to see what all the fuss is about.

My List

Happy St Patricks Day from the world's cutest baby!

Today I was talking to my Sue-bee about creating a list of all the characteristics I'd like to find in a mate.  She told me about a woman she's working with who did just that and got engaged yesterday!  It was apparently part of an Oprah show and you are to make your list and put it in your nightstand.  Read it believe it and it will happen.

Along the same lines my family believes in the secret.  Basically the power of putting you hopes/dreams/wants out to the universe and they will bring it back to you.  My sister has immense skills when it comes to this so I'm going to do my best in harnassing her intentions and make my list for love.  I try not to be the desperate girl when I go out, but sometimes that comes across as being aloof.  So instead I'm going to start my list and believe in it.  I may also need to stop going out with just guys.

My Ideal Mate

5'8" or taller

comfortable in his skin

good manners

courteous

social drinker

prefer non smoker

night owl

good family values/relationships

facial hair is a plus

bald is another plus

values his alone time away from me and respects my need for the same

treats me like a princess

I used to have a list, a long long time ago and it was so superficial and materialistic.  I've realized that those things really don't make a man.  Sure I'd love a guy who drives a truck, but if he doesn't, does that make him any less right or wrong for me?  Nope, now it might make him more attractive to me.  But I need to focus on separating the real from the fake.

Random

Today was just full of some weirdness.

1.  I had a dream that H used my toothbrush.  I know it's because I watched The Office last night and Erin admitted she just uses whatever toothbrush she can find.  It still grossed me out, and he admitted to using his ex-fiance's in an emergency.  People I just about crawled out of my skin.  This is sooo not acceptable to me.  I don't care if we are married, you do NOT use my toothbrush.  NOT COOL!

2.  I realized that the younger guys I've been hanging out with have started to ditch me.  Now that sounds rather high school and it kinda is, but I've also realized how far away from that mentality I've moved.  Some of their friends from other places have arrived here in Dallas so they are now playing with the new toys.  Eventually they'll remember I'm around, until then I'll enjoy my quiet time and study for my exam next month.

3.  My job has decided to take yet another hour of my life everyday.  Turns out a 10 hr day with a 1 hr lunch does not equal a 10 hr day.  Corporate accounting finally figured this out so I'll now be working 11 hr day with a 1 hr lunch, so I have actually worked 10 hrs.  Normally I work a 12 hr day with no lunch so I'm really not all that surprised they want one more hour from me.  There's been a lot of whining and belly aching in the office, all I can do is remind people that we voluntarily do this job.  If they don't want to work there are other alternatives.

I don't know that I can really handle anymore.  So after a fun evening of painting my nails I'm going to bed early and hoping tomorrow is better.

Lovey lil buddy

I want to be that happy!

True Minnesotan, sandals and socks

RAGE

So last night I had the worst conference call ever.  I was told by a manager to be quiet twice.  I was speaking when spoken to, voicing my opinion, and minding my manners.  During the call I was visibly upset and almost hung up.  I got an apology call by my coworker who was supposed to be in charge of the call.  This morning my other coworker brought it up again and my anger came back.  He was amazed at how the manager spoke to me as well.

The whole situation has bothered me for over 24 hrs now.  Last night I ended up talking to H for an hour about it and really couldn't calm down.  This morning it all flooded back and I spent a majority of the day in a funk.  I know I need to let it all go, but I am having the damnedest time doing so.  I've been working so hard to not control this committee and go with the flow.  This is totally against my nature, I want to be in charge, I want to figure it out, I want to be the resource, BUT even more I want to see my friend succeed.  I want her to have her moment, I want her to be successful, I want her to teach me.  I have to let it go.

The other thing that's really bugging me is the boys.  I love to hang out with them but I really miss being girly.  At lunch today I realized what I don't like is how immature they have to act.  Now granted all of them are younger than me, but that doesn't mean we can't be adults every once in a while.  I could even tell that H was over it.  The best is that Clint has taken to calling me H's girlfriend.  This doesn't bother me at all, but he thinks it does.  Doesn't bother H either.  It's actually a little bit easier to not have to explain that we are just friends.  I wish I had one girl that I remotely liked to hang out with.

Instead I'll just post a bunch of photos of my cutest niece.  Maybe she's the only girl I need to worry about.

A little English Pride

Please note the thigh/knee high socks and itty bitty baby thigh chub roll

Haunted

Yesterday and even yet today I feel haunted by a guy I was sleeping with last summer.  He was on a conference call in the morning with me, I went to view a group I'm a member of and he's been added to that, then last evening when I was on Facebook he was suggested as a friend to me.  It's weird because I really haven't thought much about him lately. 

To give a back story, he was working in the same office as I was this past summer.  We went out with the group a handful of times, but I paid him no attention as he's married.  One night out he started hitting on me, we arrived back to the hotel separately but at the same time.  I invited him up for another beer, instead we had sex.  As luck would have it, it lasted about 2 weeks and he was sent to Omaha for work.

The super odd thing is that I had no emotional attachment to him at all.  It was just physical.  I've not talked to him since.  Yesterday I felt like he was everywhere I looked.  I don't have any desire to talk to him, but it made me wonder.  Not in a bad way nor in a good way, just wonder.  I'm sure when I see him again things might be a little awkward, but I'm an adult.  I can handle it.

The other anomaly about the situation was the fact that he's married.  I never once felt guilty about it.  I don't think he did either.  He has a bit of a past, 3 baby momma's, married twice.  I never asked a lot of details about the situation, other than I know he wants to stop traveling to be a better father to his 5 kids.

The whole affair made me realize that I've become way too relaxed in how I view love and relationships.  It made me stop and really think about what I was doing to myself.  I think I was trying to prove that I don't need love, when in reality it made me realize how much I want it.  Granted I came to this conclusion about 3 months later.  Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.  Either way the whole sordid situation made me a better person.

4 hours

Today I flew back to Dallas.  It was quite uneventful and I'm ok with that.  The highlight of my day was seeing Chelsea in her jeans, sweater and ballet flat socks.  Lil smooshy face gets cuter every day!

I went into the office for 4 hours and in that short amount of time I remembered why I drink.  Geez louise do I work with a bunch of whiners.  One by one they made it back to my desk to tell me how much the weekend sucks and how busy we are.  They have no clue, but we really aren't that busy, and it's only going to get worse.  I instead focused on the positive.  I watched my Danyal love you video approximately a million times!  I have to try so hard to remain positive.  I even worked out and every step was me crushing their skulls.  THAT makes me enjoy working out.



Skeptical baby is skeptical

I wonder if he does windows?

Me Time

Today was a great day all by myself.  Minus my trip to the ortho resulting in my very very painful teeth right now.  Beauty is pain, right?!  In better news I got my eyebrows done and a fantastic facial.  At least I'll look kinda good when i go back to work tomorrow.

Right now I'm enjoying my couch, my TV and a giant stack of magazines.  Just how I like to waste time.

A friend has been texting me about relationship advice and I have to admit I am not one to be giving it.  She's very clingy by nature and her light and breezy sends up huge red flags to me.  If I was a guy I'd go running and screaming based on the texts she forwarded to me.  Thank goodness I'm not dating her, heck I'm barely even into being her friend anymore.  It's been 18 months since I last saw her and that's been very intentional on my behalf.  She lives 70 miles away, expects me to drive to see her AND had the nerve to think I was going to pay for everything the last time I went down there.  I had almost completely cut her out of my life when I accidentally responded to a text about 3 weeks ago.  Now she's back and clingy as ever.  She thought that this weekend I should come down 2 nights and stay with her to go to some crappy bar.  Um yeah, not gonna happen.

Anyways now it's time for bed.  I still need to pack some things up and get a good nights sleep.  I need to look a little refreshed for tomorrow.

3 Friends

Today was hands down one of the best days I've had in ages.

I had brunch and shopped with my Sue-Bee.  We always have a blast no matter what we do.  Today was no exception.  Particularly when the shoe salesmen started hitting on her.  He was a goner when he saw her smile

After that I went to Missy's and hung out with the babies.  After a minor melt down all was good.  Missy and I even had dinner at our favorite place Chino Latino.  I'm still super full 8 hours later!  Queso and tacos and chocolate volcano cups OH MY!

THEN to top off my day, Colleen picked me up and we headed to the Target Center and saw Lady A.  We saw them for the first time 4 yrs ago at this tiny club called the Fine Line.  It was their CD launch party and there couldn't have been 200 fans there.  My have things changed.  It was a great set and I'm so glad I got to see them.

The highlight of the whole day was hearing the babies say they love me!  and mean it!  Below is Danyal professing his love.  Sara did her's with no camera.  And she signed more please that one and pointed to me.  All these babies are making it so hard for me to keep leaving for work.  Thank goodness for photos and fancy phones

Cleaning the desk

Auntie Smooches

Den of Slack

When I was a sophmore in college my roomie Amy and I loving named out dorm room the Den of Slack.  It came from watching Reality Bites one too many times, and our combined love of procrastinating.  It even stuck as we moved across campus and added 2 more roomies.  Since I've always loved the name and every once in a while refer to my house or weekend at home as Den of Slack time.

Today was one of my glorious Den of Slack days.  I slept 12 hrs last night, didn't shower until 4pm and the only strenuous thing I did was make cookies.  I had a whole evening planned on reading my massive stack of magazines and listening to some new music, BUT my sister texted saying Chelsea was still up.  I hauled it the whole 3/4 of mile to their house and played with my niece, even got to help with tubby time.  She's so freaking adorable!  I love her sooo much.  I can't imagine how different she'll be when I'm home again in 28 days.

owl hoody cause all babies have one                 She has good taste, her aunt is awesome

               

Leg Warmers and Mary Jane socks

Me and my smooshy face

HOME

Yesterday was a bit overwhelming and chaotic, but I made it home and successfully accomplished all I needed to.

Today I stayed home and cooked all day.  It was glorious.  My sister brought my niece over this afternoon so I didn't have to fight with my parents to hold and play with her.  I'm so glad she did because I got about 5 min of cuddles with her in 3 hours.  Plus my parents were 30 min late, so dinner was cold by the time they got here.  I find it disrespectful to me and my time when people cannot arrive when asked to.  I hosted this dinner to prevent having to coordinate a restaurant and the incessant whining of my dad about having to go out.  Instead they come late and play with my niece the entire time.  I cannot think of one question they asked me other than where I found my recipe for dinner.  I'm not really sure what I expected from them but I certainly thought more than what they provided.  I guess I need to adjust to them being grandparents and once again finding my life to not be interesting enough.  I went through this when my sister got married, and again when she and her husband moved back to WI.  I survived and adapted to those situations I hope I can to this as well.  For now I'll do what I've always done and rely on good times from my friends and co-workers.

To be fair my mom practically begged me to go shopping with her tomorrow.  She realizes that I'm still on a strict shopping budget and that I need to get some rest this weekend, but she still asked, 4 times.  Then she rambled on about how I'm spending a whole Sunday with my friends instead of them.  I asked what we would have done and I could try to rearrange, and neither her or my dad could come up with anything other than going to the casino and a crappy restaurant for dinner.  Yeah I think I'll pass and do things with people who show a genuine interest in my life.  Plus I get to eat at 2 of my favorite restaurants and see my niece and nephew.

Now it's time to start 36 hours of sleep and couch time!  I'm wiped out and it's 10pm.  Off to bed for me!

Baby Grumpus

Baby Chelsea does not like your shenanigans.I feel like her face describes my day.  I did my best to remain positive and upbeat all day, but eventually the incessant whining on my team was too much to handle.  I finally just stopped talking.  I find that if I stop responding usually the annoyance goes away.  It didn't really work today, but I tried very very hard.  I tried so hard that people started to wonder if I was mad because I was so quiet.  By 6:30 (end time is 7pm) myself and several others were giddy from being tired and plain worn out.  There was snorting and tears (the good kind) and cheetos.

I had a lovely dinner out, sushi seems to make it all better.  The conversation again turned to work and as hard as I tried my heart just wasn't in it.  I cannot keep re-hashing the same scenarios.  Especially when the people refuse to move beyond them.  You cannot control the things which you refuse to confront!  I have this posted on my desk and daily remind myself that I have to change.  I cannot make someone else be what I want them to be.

Tomorrow I go home.  Tomorrow seems so far away!  I cannot wait to lay on this floor with this cat and this baby!

No words

Today I feel like I've run out of words.  I really don't want to talk or think.  I've successfully completed 2 days of working out.  Yay me.  I have to keep being accountable and carry through when I go home this weekend.  It'll be tough but I know I can do it.

His naughtiness is no match for the play table

I went to Mommy's work today and was a total princess!

 Mommy has pretty hair!