Playing Dress Up
Today was going great until my ex decided to IM me. I'm not sure if he did this will ill intentions but it certainly felt that way. He told me he's been in Jacksonville training the newest group hired. Um yeah I'm sorry that's my dream job. I want to do that more than almost anything else in my career field. The MF'er has zero intention of applying for the job I just interviewed for. He's not even on the list to be developed! I've been ready now for my job for 18 months with nothing! LIVID does not even begin to describe how I feel. I cannot get over the hurt I have. He's offered to drop my name around the department but I just don't know about that.
I think what really bothers me is A- he's my ex, B- I know trainers who haven't even done that, C- he was just so braggy about it, D- I will always have an emotional attachment. I have to try and keep my feelings out of it, but I cannot be happy for him. I'm just hurt. Why haven't my bosses gone to bat for me? Are my bosses even going to bat for me? Is this all worth it? I'm missing playing with a strawberry and Elmo gone Mary had a little Lamb. I'm 1000 miles away from everything I love and for what; a handful of drunken nights out with some friends?
This is not helping the depression. Nor is my period coming a week early or it being a nearly full moon. They say you never have more than you can handle, but I will break pretty damn soon. I feel bad for those around. Clint's already acting like a kicked puppy and Heinz is truly at a loss for words. I'm such an uber bitch I can't blame them, but I don't know what else to do. I'm shutting down in every sense of the statement.
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