Creeping

Today was the most boring day of training I may have ever experienced.  I learned only 1 new thing and that wasn't even that new.  Hoping tomorrow is better, or that I can at least surf the net a little bit more.

My sis texted me after lunch and asked if I had slo-mo ran towards my crush like they do in the movies.  Given our office and a very long/dividing corridor this would be feasible, but did not happen.  Instead his desk is tucked away into weird corner and he works with all men, who have clearly been away from their wives for too long.  Due to his work load we didn't get to talk much.  Maybe later this week.  I did find out his birthday is Wed, so I'm trying to plan something nice.  It sucks he has to work til 9pm every night.  I'm hoping to find a nice local non chain restaurant to take him out.

Today was the first in several that I noticed my depression creeping it's way back in.  Instead of things being fun and new I felt that crushing wave of sad come over me.  I'm not sure why but it's here.  It's making me feel self destructive, not self harming but self deprecating.  It's a sense of not being good enough, a fear of rejection, just an overall sad.  I am trying so hard not to give in, but it's just so overwhelming, suffocating, like I'm drowning.  I even worked out tonight in an attempt to boost my endorphins.  No luck yet.  Maybe tomorrow