Overwhelming

Tonight I had dinner with a good friend and it was simply too much for me to take.  At the end I finally had to tell her I felt like I was being attacked and couldn't take in any more.  I actually cried the whole 30 min home because I just can't digest it all and feel so small right now.

Apparently in my 6 weeks on the new job I'm already passing up opportunities and need to be more proactive about networking.  Yeah, I barely know my team, think I'll wait another month or 2 before I start in on upper mgmt.  I should also be studying all the time for continuing ed, and have a new mentor, and come to the office when I've got the time and just network some more.   Shame I told my boss I'm taking a year off of all that just to learn my job and re-acclimate to being at home and having a somewhat "normal" life.  It's great she's finally getting the recognition she wants, but I've been there, done that, got rejected.  Think I'm gonna sit out for a round or two.

We talked about the whole Clint situation and I found that upsetting too.  I know what we have is broken and not worth fixing, but it's hard to hear the truths you already know.  Everyone wants to see me happy, yet it seems perfectly OK to tell me how horrible I am at making choices.  If I'm so awful at it, where's your perfect guy for me.  If I'm so lovable and worthy of a good guy, where are they?  I'm tired of everyone's suggestions of how I should run my life.