Single Sunday

This would be a deep deep love for me!

But I might start!

I had a very frank discussion with my mom and sister last night about me dating.  Their motivation for me to date, new stories.  Yep new stories!  I get that (my dad is a rambler), but somehow I thought my happiness would be a bit more important.  I admitted that I fail at going out, so online is my only option, which terrifies me.  Neither of them really cared or expressed too much effort in helping me.  I even asked for help with my profile and they just glossed over it and onto how hard it will be for me to find someone as good as my bro-in-law.  Helpful huh!

So now it's Sunday night and I've thought about a million different ways my day would have been better if I had someone to share it with.  It's the big things like going out for a meal, to the small things of watching the game and having a hand to hold when my team plays like crap.  Tonight it would be wonderful to be cuddled on the couch cheering against the Bears, or at the bar having a late dinner and a beer.  Or having someone else go gas up my car and pick me up a soda.  The little things really matter to me.

I want all of that yet I still can't push the button and renew my membership.  I'm all talk and no action and I'm not sure what I need to make that final push.  I'm debating letting someone else look at my profile since my sis never did.  I feel like I'm selling myself short and being too confident at the same time.  It's all so terrifying to me.  I don't deal with rejection.  I mean that with all seriousness.  I cannot handle being told no, it makes my stubborn german red headed scorpion blood boil.  There are actually days I wonder how I still have my tongue because I have to bite it so hard when someone rejects me.  Funny thing is, I can reject you in the blink of an eye and have no regret.  Ahh an interesting dichotomy of my personality.

For now I'll sit on my couch and watch football and kill all the flies I let in while cleaning out my van this afternoon.  Maybe I can find my motivation in Iowa next week.  Maybe not.  New bucket list item -  be in love by the time I'm 40!